i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
