I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
