not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
