Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
