Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize