how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
