Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
