Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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