i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
