Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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