Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
