I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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