O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
