I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.