Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.