Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
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nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"