im drinking this country out of the recession.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
