New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
