It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
