I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
