Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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