i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
