We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
