i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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