You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
