I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i think im in europe. pls send help
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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