I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
