So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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