So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
