you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
