you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
