you didnt know i had herpes?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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