why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
