Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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