next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
