It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My breasts were aching with rage.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
