someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
