The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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