Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
