Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
