i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
even my farts smell like vagina
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
