i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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