New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I could make wine with my vomit
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
