Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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