she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
