Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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