you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
