Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
