Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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