My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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