wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm bleeding and have questions
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
