watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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