We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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