I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
