I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
