I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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