Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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