New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
