I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
