And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
