i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
