if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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