i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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