so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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