I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize