the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
