I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
