Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
