You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
