Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
