Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
