Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
