So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
